Here we go, folks- first gripe session. Subject: the comforting slash SABOTAGING of one's spouse with treats of the edible variety.
My poison of choice is Little Debbies. I ate them like I was getting paid for it back in high school, and only backed off them once I realized they were essentially fluffed up nutritional poison. And once I realized there were much better tasting sweet treats than that junk. The IDEA of them remains nostalgic and comforting though, and so occasionally, Jim will still bring me home a box if I'm feeling down.
I never even enjoy them all that much, but I seem to have no self control once the box is in our cupboard. Every pack will be devoured in a few days' time, if not ONE day. I'll keep unwrapping them well past the point of pleasure, shoveling them in and ignoring the sickening feeling in my gut. I don't understand why I'm so powerless in Debbie's sweet, seductive grip. She is consistently unsatisfying, yet I keep going back for more...
Er, anyways, a few weeks ago on our getaway trip, we stopped at a convenience store for treats. I went right for the Dove chocolates and Reese peanut butter hearts, but Jim stopped at the Little Debbie display. "Don't you won't some?" he asked, shocked by my expression of disinterest. "I really don't. I don't think I like them at all, really, anymore," I replied.
And then I finally made the bold move of asking him not to bring me home any more Debbie cakes. I understand that it's a sweet and thoughtful gesture meant to bring me comfort and pleasure, but it only leaves me with a bellyache and a sense of disgust with myself.
He has honored my wishes, and I haven't seen the Debbies in our home for quite some time. But you know what I'VE been doing? Sabotaging his diet. He's supposed to be doing this Biggest Loser contest at work, and is attempting to control portions and cut out evening snacking, etc. And while I certainly haven't CONSCIOUSLY done this, I realized that in the last few weeks, I've been cooking more high calorie dinners, fixing more fatty snacks in the evening, buying ice cream for the first time in months, etc.
What is WITH me? I think I make these food decisions believing on a conscious level that I'm being NICE to him, that I'm making him a TREAT after a day of being "good." But wouldn't true niceness be helping him with his diet, not shoving tempting food in his face?
Anyone else noticed strange food sabotage in your house, under the guise of being nice?
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I WISH Adam would sabotage me. lol He's my diet nazi!
ReplyDeleteIf I even attempt to eat something I shouldn't be eating he will be the first person to say "You shouldn't be eating that?" or "You're going to get sick if you eat that." It's so annoying, but I know he means well.
I guess my case is different, because there is a legitimate health concern that causes me to stay on a diet. And I know Adam worries about me getting sick again, so his concern for what I at comes from a place of love.
But he will occasionally bring things home from work that will tempt me - like cheesecake - and just let it sit in the frigde for a few days. Every time I open the fridge I want to devour it. After the second time he did that I kindly asked him not to bring that stuff home anymore or if he does, to make sure he eats it that day or I am going to throw it away. It's hard enough not to be able to eat those kinds of things - I don't need to stare at them when I am pulling my carrots out of the fridge to snack on. lol
It's hard though when you have kids, especially younger ones who you want to reward with a treat or two. I usually have a pretty good supply of will power, but my husband will eat a whole bag of Hershey Kisses in one sitting. I get sort of mad at him like, "Why can't you stop yourself? We shouldn't all have to suffer just because you can't stop yourself with a handful." My nemesis is cookies though. If I make cookies, like last week I made about 4 dozen pumpkin cookies and they were gone in 3 days I think. We all devoured them. I tend to hoard food treats other than cookies. I almost always have Halloween candy left at Christmas and Christmas candy left at Valentine's etc...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, back to what we were talking about, I do buy things to be nice and I had never thought of it as sabotage before. I will try to make more effort on that front now!
I find it to be the opposite in my house. My husband has the metabolism of a 16 yr old boy. He eats whatever he wants and never sees it on the scale. So, its hard when I'm starving, eating rice cakes and he's over there eating oreos. But, then, of course if I ask for one oreo, he says "aren't you doing weight watchers?" grrrr~!
ReplyDeleteI am so interested in this! I think I have been lucky in the past to mostly have been in relationships with people who had similar eating/exercise patterns as me. I never realized how difficult it can be when I'm NOT. It feels like you're having to choose between the relationship and the health goals, sometimes. I haven't completely figured that out yet in my current relationship.
ReplyDeleteBut, I do think when men want to do something nice, food is an easy gift for them. They don't have to think too much about it, and it's convenient.
My husband constantly sabotages me with food. The second I get really conscious of what I'm eating, he starts bringing home candy "just to be nice". He had no idea he was doing it at all until a few months ago when I finally pointed it out. Even then he didn't really believe me but every time I lose a little weight, he comes home with candy bars. He's trying to be better but either he really can't remember or he's still just doing it anyways. I think for him it's partly due to the fact that, if he wants a snack that he shouldn't be eating, he feels better if everyone else has one too - then it's not bad for him to be eating crap because we all are. At the same time, we don't normally buy much junk food at all so the timing certainly indicates that he's doing something to sabotage me. I have no idea why and I hate it but I think its also kind of funny (or would be if I could resist the stuff he brings home).
ReplyDeleteWhen we were first dating I definitely gained some weight because Torsten ate whatever the hell he wanted and never gained an ounce and so I engaged in the same behavior, you know, like dessert every day, cream sauce at dinner, etc. And I definitely put on some weight. But once I started WW and have been seriously losing weight and getting fitter for the past couple years, there has been no sabotage. We've both gotten healthier and in fact we're pretty good gym buddies.
ReplyDeletePaul was dieting the last couple of years and is now maintaining, and I've been finding it very hard to know what to do. Because on one hand I don't want to sabotage; on the other hand, I've had the experience of a partner being "too supportive" of my diet and making me feel like they're being the food police or that they really want me to be thinner. One thing I appreciate about Paul is that he seems to hit it just right when I'm dieting, but I don't know how he does it: he'll bring me a treat just often enough to communicate "_I_ don't think you should lose weight" without making me feel sabotaged. I can't seem to figure out how to do the same for him.
ReplyDeleteWe sort of have this issue. My husband is a chef, so right there it's a problem. Fine dining, French, lots of butter, yeah, not great for the diet. We also both are at the restaurant together. So it's hard to stick to a diet with him, but it's not really his fault. when I'm really dieting, he often tells me I have to eat more. So then he'll cook for me b/c he always thinks I'm not eating enough while exercising.
ReplyDeleteGreat topic! I just cannot help myself when it comes to food. I'm sure some psychologist would say that I equate food with love or some other deep stuff, but I love providing for my family. I have been really on a health kick lately, but our portion-sizes are out-of-control.
ReplyDeleteThe Smartest Man Alive, on the other hand, seems to RELISH the times when I am on a diet. He asks (menacingly, I think; he says he's 'helping') Are you supposed to eat that? When's the last time you've worked out? Aren't you going to work out tonight? until I want to punch him in the face...(oops, I mean kiss his precious face).
Unfortunately TT is not only male but a man who exercises a lot so he can eat anything and everything I give him without bad effect. What I have noticed, though, is that I totally selfishly serve myself the choicest bits of food. I arrange his more prettily on the place but that hardly makes up for it. Bad Kate.
ReplyDelete